Sticky wickets: Borne of frustration

Writers for whom English is not a first language tend to be more particular about grammar than those from so-called native English-speaking countries (data not shown; statistical analysis pending). This is most apparent when it comes to the tenses used when referencing other authors' work.

Resolutions: Tact

It pays to think before you speak. That way, you won't dole out the following advice:

To a person clearly not having a good time:
Wrong "You wouldn't be so fat if you ran instead of plodding up the hill."
Right "Running up the hill will increase the calories you burn."

To the boyfriend:
Wrong "That jacket makes you look really sexy, like Shane Walsh." (see below)
Right "That jacket makes you look really sexy."

I don't know where this pic is from; I'm just glad it exists.

Living with the Elderly

One evening, Dad makes one of his rare appearances at home from work and finds only his first-born child present and working on a paper.

Dad: Where's Mum?
First-born: Working at school.
Dad: Huh. Where's Bro1?
First-born: Working... downtown. As should you...?
Dad: Huh... Where's Bro2?
First-born: Working.
Dad: Eh?!
First-born: Some beer event thing. Carlsberg or Heineken, I don't remember. One of the green ones.
Dad: OH, that Guinness party issit!

Several counts of fail

#1 If your mother has the habit of buying foodstuff and leaving items half-eaten in the fridge, keep this in mind the next time you look for a braising liquid and go to take a swig of the milk to see if it's still "good".

#2 You have a nose that detects smells. Bad smells usually indicate a food item should not be eaten. A milk carton should never smell like yogurt.

#3 Milk is a liquid. Liquids flow easily. You should not have to jiggle a milk carton to take a swig of the milk inside to see if it's still "good".

Milk gone bad. Found on No Cow Juice, No Problem.

Newbie

This morning, I was plodding past the Indian temple towards the Bukit Kiara hill circuit when someone behind me coughed.

Getting there (I can do the same pose). Source: Xtreme Athletix

Turning, I saw a tall, lean black man (is there any other kind that runs in Malaysia?) in a white t-shirt and orange-striped blacks tights blithely striding up the incline.

Being courteous, I moved aside to let him pass. As he passed, he said, "Good morning!" and I said, Hi!"

Maybe no one's he's spoken to has ever responded in kind, because he turned around and said, "Come, let's jogging!"

Me. Go jogging with orange-striped black tights running man?

ME.

Whose face was almost as bright as my shirt from the exertion of having toddled 1 km?

I nodded and grinned. To my relief, he went back to running and I resumed plodding, but about 5 counts later, my new friend turned back again and gestured for me to keep up.

What could I do but mime desperately catching my breath to the eager soul? He nodded understandingly and loped off easily through the horde that swarmed the hill, and that was the last I saw of the first ever African runner who spoke to me.

Artistic rendering of orange-striped black tights running man. Source as above.

Home renovation survival guide: charity

You unearth a lot of junk during a home makeover. Glass bottles (dunno why we have so many) can be recycled or reused as twee little seedling pots. Surplus crockery will find its way to the homes of newlyweds or anyone setting up a new household.

Unused clothes go to charity, of course, but have a heart for the have-nots. That shirt is destined for the scrap heap, not some children's home if you would rather be dead than be caught in it, or if it feels draftier than the hills of Tibet/smells worse than month-old Gorgonzola cheese sammiches.

Bath work day 3 - I quite like the grinding pattern, but mater will kill me if I suggest we retain it instead of tiling it over.

Home renovation survival guide

Carnage: Day 1

Mum has gotten it into her head that the bathrooms and kitchen need makeovers. Since my brothers are all chickenshit good-for-nothings when it comes to handling a person who has a tendency to spend on things "because she can afford it", I have been doing the home decor rounds with her. This is what you need:

Looking a gift horse in the mouth

My nice neighbour passes me some muffins her son received from a colleague. I bring them in and show Bro2.

Me: Look, [neighbour] gave us some muffins that her son got from work!
Bro2: Oh my... what if they're muffin kangkang*??

I've eaten one. No romantic/horny inclinations towards strange women so far.

* Originally nasi kangkang: A love potion created by Southeast Asian women. The woman first lovingly cooks a bowl of rice. She then squats over it, sans clothes and lets her womanly essence mix with the steam of the rice, then feeds it to her man. He is supposed to never leave her and be at her beck and call always.

Rarity

I'm non-maternal, to put it mildly. Not that I despise kids (it takes an extremely singular individual to do so, I believe), but I'm not inclined to them either.

However, having kids looks like a rather wonderful idea when things like The Mixed Race Project come along. Maybe it's Jenna's amazing photography that's doing it.

Once forgotten

I had breakfast in a kopitiam* yesterday. I didn't even realise how long it'd been since I'd last set foot inside one (years, to put it mildly) until I set foot inside that one.

To add to the feeling of new-newness, I ate alone. Barring meals at home, I can't remember the last time I did that either. Well, I actually can, but unlike that time, I enjoyed the experience, and I didn't feel self-conscious or sad-like. If that's a sign of advancing age, I'll take it!

As found on FaceBook (original: Bank Forum, Commerzbank Group by Ogilvy & Mather Ukraine)

Elsewhere, I found a blog on minimalism. It doesn't refer to the approach in art or music (which should be lush), but that of one's lifestyle. I think the idea has a stronger hold on older people (because they've accumulated more stuff), as well as non-rural folk.

That last bit might be less than accurate, but I now have a strong yen to hold a garage sale and/or give things away. Anyone up for barely-used crockery and cutlery and apparel that's out of fashion?

* coffee shop, obviously