Stuffed

I spent most of Saturday following a Twitter thread on a nasi kandar jaunt in Penang. I'm not sure if "epic" is the right word for it, but the 5 dudes had 11 (ELEVEN) meals in a single day. I don't know what time they started, but they stumbled back to their accommodation at about 1 AM, stuffed to overflowing with rice, curry, chicken and the all-important (so it seemed) bendi. I may not speak for everyone else following their escapade, but I felt relieved that it had ended, like I'd finished an ultra-race.

I am also now curious about similar food jaunts in Malaysia. Over a weekend, like those nutters, or a week or two? Sweet or savoury? By state or entire east/west/north/south regions? One type of food only? The specialty(s) of a particular ethnic group and state-by-state variations? Or districts? Meats? Vegan/vegan-friendly? Tambah cheese???

... Is there a published food history of Malaysia? Imagine wrestling all that history and culture onto a page. I imagine you'd need half a volume for nasi lemak alone.

For me, I'd do all things pulut. I don't even know where to start.

Breakfast

When I was in China with my mum, the hotel "buffet" breakfast usually involved plain rice porridge to which you added condiments and toppings (usually soya sauce, salt, pepper, and a bunch of salted vegetables). It was simple and filling and you had only yourself to blame if you didn't like what was in the bowl.

In the same vein, spicy noodles will give you a quick and simple start to the day:

1. Wheat noodles (1 cake; I prefer wheat noodles over rice noodles because the latter can be too absorbent)
2. Dominos chili flakes (1 packet)
3. Soya sauce to taste (usually 1 teaspoon or so)
4. Vinegar (a bit less than the soya sauce)
5. Garlic oil (1-2 teaspoons/to taste; mind the greasiness!)

Mix items 2-5 together while the noodles are boiling, drain the noodles when they're cooked, dump it in the mix, and toss everything together. Get it down your neck (chopsticks work best) before your Enfant Terrible wanders by and expresses curiosity and you offer him some out of politeness and there's half of your breakfast gone.

"Wow, it tastes so street!"

Breakfast oatmeal cookie: bleh

I made a breakfast cookie today. It was nice but not something I'd rave about. I suspect that's why the recipe and other similar recipes call for toppings like nut butters and jam and fruit and whatnot: it's to hide the fact that anything made with oatmeal and a scant (stingy, some might say) half tablespoon of honey (I still can't believe it, tbh) will be quite bland. And dry. But it filled the stomach and there are worse things to have for breakfast, so.

(I wound up drizzling honey on top of it because I don't have any nut butters.)

(I mean, one can't have nasi lemak or masala tosei every day, or else one would begin to resemble a masala tosei lemak.)

(Nor can one have toast because we have to throw off the shackles of colonialism starting with the little things.)

Perfect snack

I made chocolate bark the other day. It might not sound like a big deal to you, but it was a revelation for me. What I did was:

1. Melt the remainder of a 70% dark chocolate bar (~100 g) and 100 g semi-sweet chocolate chips in the microwave.*
2. Drop in a pinch of chili powder (serbuk cabe).**
3. Stir everything together.
4. Spread it out on a sheet of baking paper (recipes advise 1/4-inch thickness, but I winged it).
5. Sprinkle brown sugar or what-have-you (usually something crunchy, or sweet or salty, or both) on top.
6. Leave it to harden in the fridge before breaking the thin slab into bite-sized pieces.

*I used the shortest express time on full power, which was 30 seconds for this microwave. YMMV. Also, check after you microwave it the first time, as the chocolate bar actually melted but held its shape.

**Recipes usually call for cayenne pepper, but this is a Malaysian household.

Things I would do differently:

• Make more of the stuff, as Enfant Terrible discovered it and kept sneaking pieces of it.
• Use more chill powder. There was actually no kick.
• Leave out the brown sugar.
• Use pretzels or potato chips, or the perennial favourite: coarse sea salt (but maybe not, as microplastics have been found in the stuff. Que sera sera).
• Use a silicone spatula!

Easy-ass apple butter

I made an apple butter thing and it's pretty nice, so I'm feeling very pleased with myself. It goes like this:

1. Apples: peeled (if the skin tastes bad*), cored, and quartered.
2. Enough water to just cover them after you've placed them in a pot.
3. Bring the apples to a boil, then reduce the heat to simmer until they're soft enough to mash.**
4. Return to a simmer, add cinnamon, cloves, and/or nutmeg, if using (to taste).
5. Simmer, stirring occasionally, until most, if not all, of the liquid has evaporated.***
6. Add a sweetener**** if needed (to taste).
7. Place in sterilised glass containers and cool before storing in the fridge.

Notes:
*The Red Delicious apples we'd bought were anything but, hence this attempt.
**You can use a food processor for a smoother result, but I just used a fork because I used only 2 apples.
***For me, it took about 45 minutes.
****I used a half teaspoon of honey, although the recipes I found called for brown sugar or maple syrup.

Usage:
Spread on buttered toast.
Drizzled on oatmeal, yogurt, ice cream, what-have-you.
Condiment for savoury items.
Whatever tastes good to you.
Eat it neat by the spoonful (easiest).

The apple butter I made is a light gold-brown, like solid cider, I suppose. The pictures in the recipes are all dark brown, which could either be due to the longer-ass cooking time (up to overnight if you use a slow cooker!), or the use of the abovementioned spices. It tastes like concentrated apples and is unbelievably sweet, but not cloyingly so. Also, it's a dream on buttered toast or with (cream) cheese spread. Alas, I am out of bread (although I have a quick recipe for that...).

Gorge

It rose when I saw an eatery staff blow his nose at the sink and wrestle to clear the impossibly long string of mucus that emerged. And he was the drinks guy.

Three years on and the memory still makes me gag. I hope that by sharing it I will exorcise it, and I apologize for the resulting mental image.

(At least he washed his hands properly after that?)

Traveling with teens: Part 2

The night everyone arrived, the Grams brought us (all 12 guests!) to dinner at an ikan bakar* place along Lebuhraya Lim Chong Eu nearer to Bayan Lepas. There are at least 2 ikan bakar eateries, and we went to the one farther in, i.e. Nurul Ikan Bakar.

I'm told that ambra/ambarella (seriously) juice is a must-have in Penang**, which is what we ordered. The pitchers came filled with crushed ice and ambra juice, and a buttload of sugar. The ice is supposed to melt while you chat and eat, and at the end of the meal you have an invigorating tasty beverage. Except everyone was parched, so we resorted to diluting the stuff with cold water. It was still too sweet even after that.

I forgot what fish we had (I mean, we were there in March!), but it came on a banana leaf and was topped with fiery red chili sauce. There was also sambal on the side, and I think it disagreed with me...

Another Penang must-try is sotong kangkung, which is boiled (?) cuttlefish and water convolvulus served with rojak sauce***. It's meant to be a starter and has an interesting crunchy texture, but comprises my 3 least favorite flavors.

*Grilled fish
**Depending on who you ask, there are any number of must-haves.
***I think you're supposed have a salty-sweet-spicy sauce, and I suppose rojak sauce ticks all those boxes.

Traveling with teens: Part 1

On impulse, Enfant Terrible and I went to Penang during the school holidays with my aunts and their families. We stayed at Aunt Debra's parents' (the Grams) place in Island Glades, which is a quiet old suburb on the island.

Obviously, they don't call Penang a food paradise for nothing. The afternoon we arrived, Enfant Terrible and I made straight for a nondescript Indian restaurant canteen on Lebuh Acheh. It's just a few lots down from the very nice Armenian Street Hotel; it's supposed to be called Muthu's Restaurant but it doesn't have a signboard. In fact, you'd miss it entirely if you weren't looking for it.

ET and I looked inside first before entering. The half-dozen or so patrons, all Indian men of the mien that would make you cross the road to avoid if you encountered them at night, peered right back. Then we stepped in and got ourselves 2 banana leaf rice meals and everyone went back to eating.

By contrast, the staff looked more clean-cut and the food was excellent. They serve parboiled rice by default, it seems, and a marvellous mutton soup in place of the de rigueur rassam, which had run out. You can forget about bone broth once you've had this miraculously meaty-tasting mix, which actually contained no meat (or bones).

Brows sweaty and noses runny from the unbelievably thick and rich crab curry (other options are fish, chicken, dal), we stepped out once more into the unforgiving heat, determined to traipse around the Georgetown Heritage Zone as much as we could before the rest of my family finally made it to Penang.

Like, we'd left at 830 AM, the same time as Aunt Andrea did, only Uncle Andrea is a more cautious driver than ET and probably subsequently racks up fewer speeding summonses. Our indirect host, i.e., Aunt Debra, and her family left Kuala Lumpur about 3 hours later (!).

FYI, it takes 3-4 hours to drive from Kuala Lumpur to Penang Island, excluding the heavy vehicle traffic you encounter as you go through Ipoh. As in, you're merrily humming along at 80-100 kph and exiting a tunnel when you have to lean really hard on the brakes because about 200 m ahead is a lorry laden with god knows what chugging uphill so slowly it's practically at a standstill. And that's what you keep encountering for the next 40 km or so.

Old age things

I'm in my mid-30s now (?!) and that means I have to give some thought to things I would otherwise not have thought about 10 years ago.

Specifically: what I have for breakfast. Unlike the years in which I spent slogging at my master's degree,* I can't just toss back a coffee and a breakfast bar and call it good till lunch because my metabolism won't let me anymore.

(It's weird because aren't you supposed to slow down as you age? Yet here I am suffering hunger pangs and on the verge of blacking out/brain death 1 hour after having breakfast.)

I've tried all the breads and spreads, and whatever grain the flour is made from, how many types of seeds they strew into the dough, or whether it's coconut or peanut spread or even lovely ol' butter, it's not enough. Adding protein (eggs) only goes so far (about 30 minutes more). For a privileged suburbanite like me, it's just sad.

You know what works though? Oatmeal. Instant is okay, but now I really enjoy overnight quick-cooking oats. Overnight oats are amazing because no one wants to have a hot breakfast in El Niño weather, no? So you stir water (or milk, if you're not lactose intolerant like me) into some oats the night before and then add the trimmings the next day (dried/fresh fruit, honey, brown sugar [not white because it causes breakouts**], milk powder, bacon). It looks like baby food but it doesn't stick to the pot but it sticks to your ribs, holding me till lunch, and I'm happy with that.

*Another sign of aging is thinking of things you did 10 years ago.

**Your mileage may vary.

Kanna Curry House

Biggest portions of veg I've ever seen from them.

I think Kanna Curry House gets unfair flak just because they don't use banana leaves. True, the leaves give the food a distinct aroma. But I imagine sourcing good leaves at a good price might be lower-priority given the number of outlets they have and their daily turnover. The Jalan Gasing and Section 17 outlets are always packed at lunch time, so you could say they've found their niche.

Purists tend to scoff at the crowd, sniffing that the patrons are always Chinese who have more money than sense, but I think THAT depends on the restaurant location. Come to think of it, of the KCH locations that I know of, 3 are in what are considered predominantly Chinese areas (Section 17, Puchong, Kepong).

Also, NO ONE returns to an eatery (or brings friends/clients) if they think the food and service is shit. So maybe KCH isn't authentic enough for some, but it's good enough for others. And yes, there are better places, but there's room for all punters when banana leaf rice costs RM5.50-8.00++ nowadays (those unlimited refills tho...)

I might be biased though, as Enfant Terrible and I are regulars, so the staff are friendly with us and we tend to get served faster.

Recommended: Fried ikan merah/kerisi, fried squid (sometimes).
Notes: They have crab curry on Fridays.

Eating in Kota Kinabalu

Sun setting on Kota Kinabalu

These are the (fantastic and mediocre places) Enfant Terrible and I ate at when we were in KK in August. All places are on Gaya Street unless specified otherwise. All meals were paid in cash.

A Southeast Asian (and n00b) camping guide to the Greenman Festival

Background
Enfant Terrible had gotten Settlers' Passes to the 2015 Greenman Festival. Meaning we'd camp at the Glanusk Estate, Wales, for SEVEN days. We watched as the vast, peaceful, green fields of the estate filled up over the week and were eventually overrun on day 3, when the General Camping horde arrived and put down stakes (hehe).

Bring all the food!
Festival food is always expensive, more so given the exchange rate when we were there (RM6.70 = £1.00... ouch), and the portions are always tiny. So, buy foods you can cook/heat quickly and that ideally don't require slicing/much seasoning.

We had baked beans, canned soup, powdered mash potatoes (which needed more salt), fruit, local bread, and ROBERTSON'S GOLDEN SHRED MARMALADE :3

Beauty. Image from here.

One of the best things about the Glanusk Estate Greenman Festival site (in addition to being astoundingly beautiful) is that it is a brisk 40-minute walk to Crickhowell town. The town has at least 2 grocers and excellent cafés (Courthouse Café, burger at eighteen). It is a very nice town with very nice people. Wales is full of nice people who call you "love" or "darlin'" if they don't know your name.

Ais krim potong Sin Wah: A review

Air krim potong is currently my favorite dessert. I'd only had a casual interest in it until I went to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, this year. Then, I fell head over heels for the stuff.

(It used to be I couldn't get enough of mochi donuts from Mr. Donuts, but that's how things change.)

Literally translated, ais krim potong is sliced ice cream, but of course there's more to it than that. First, it's made with coconut milk instead of milk and cream; second, you don't need an ice cream maker. Also, ais krim potong bars (?) are traditionally skewered, though in the interests of public safety, the skewers of yore have been replaced with non-pointy rods.

For my sake, here is a recipe for red bean ais krim potong (my favorite flavor is cempedak though).

Anyway, no kiosk on Gaya Street, KK, was spared a look-in. More often than not, I'd come away with an ais krim potong (RM2.10-2.60, depending on where you went), and it was WORTH IT.

I'm trying to be consistent back in Kuala Lumpur, but you're likelier to find Paddle Pops than ais krim potong here.

Nevertheless, 99 Speedmart sells single ais krim potong as opposed to the boxes of 6 or 10 you find at Tesco.

Sadly, the brand they carry (Sin Wah, durian flavor, 95 sen) isn't worth the effort. It had a watery texture, more like a frozen slushy (or ais kacang?) than ice cream, and tasted sad and thin and not the slightest bit creamy.

Have I told you that my goal now when traveling to a new place is to eat all the sweets?

Right in front of me

This is what most people do when they start an exercise regimen: buy exercise gear they don't really need eat. It's natural, because you feel good about your effort and exercise makes you hungry. It's also silly to starve yourself when you want to lose weight, as that is counterproductive in the long-term.

Anyway, when we took up trail running, I was 100% unprepared for how much more I had to eat. Eating 6 small meals a day? A recipe for sadness. The same went for eating more protein/less carbs. I had to accept that you need the calories when you do 10-12 km trail runs a day. Enfant Terrible took to the idea with frenzied joy, though he usually eats more than I do anyway.

So, I've been eating almost triple (!) my usual servings of rice, and I'm still hungry between meals, but manageably so. I snack on fried dal and raisins and dried pineapple (I also eat these things while running). The only problem is breakfast. The hunger is actually painful after breakfast, come to think of it.

I've tried white bread and brown bread spread with peanut butter and topped with bananas, oatmeal, eggs, rice, noodles, and all that, and am ravenous and sad an hour later.

A few days ago, I finally realized what I'd been doing wrong. I'm still kicking myself for not thinking of it sooner. I should have doubled my breakfast servings. OBVIOUSLY.

How to do nothing in Kota Kinabalu: A 6-day account

Day 1
- Arrive from KL; register at TMBT counter; check-in to downtown hotel; chill until it's time for early dinner (Mad Ben: mussels in white wine with spaghetti [fab], lamb burrito + fries [best ever], thin-crust lamb pizza [excellent though small]); sleep.

Waiting to cross the bridge to the start point. Only 10 people per crossing!

Kuih muih Rambo

Starting with an idle thought, I wound up learning exactly how new traders "break in" to the night markets/Ramadan bazaars.

Theoretically, you're supposed to have a trader's license and stall permit (1 permit per intended trading lot) before you're allowed to start operating.

The reality is, though, permits are apparently scarce, and approved location even more so.

So, what new traders learn to do is scope out the market premises to find unoccupied lots and enquire delicately with the neighboring traders whether that particular trader will be late or absent. If it's the latter, the newbie pitches their stall there and hopes for the best. This is apparently known as "Rambo-ing", where you do the thing you want to do but where you might not be supposed to be at.

It appears that you pay some sort of appearance fee if the market is run by a neighborhood or local organization. However, you risk being fined and having your goods confiscated if caught trading illegally at municipal council-organized markets.

Nevertheless, it can be quite lucrative if you sell the right thing (usually food, especially during Ramadan).

I thought of all this when Enfant Terrible and I came across a dessert stall set up away from the main Ramadan bazaar area this evening. There were 2 folding tables holding trays of traditional Malay kuih. A family of three was running it (mum sliced and scooped, son packed, dad was the cashier), and a line quickly formed behind us.

Our spoils were seri muka and kuih talam gula merah/melaka, which were perfectly lovely even if you didn't fast. The kuih were sticky and sweet but not cloyingly so, and the aroma of pandan wafted down the line. Plus, each piece cost 50 SEN, which makes me want to cry with disbelief and happiness.

From what I could see, they were down to the last 3 trays, and there were 5-6 empty trays stacked at the side. At my question, the dad said they'd started operating only an hour ago!

Though they obviously had no permits or licenses,* theirs wasn't a "true" Rambo operation, as there were no other stalls around. 10/10 for canny business acumen though: they're visible from the main road, and the Ramadan bazaar is not. Duh!

*That has never stopped anyone from buying street food, of course.

Not chickening out

I recall saying something about blotting meats with a kitchen towel made from fabric, not paper, before frying to prevent splattering. That still works, but counter space is at a premium in MIL's kitchen, and I don't think she'd take it very well if she discovered blood stains on her kitchen towels.

Aside from the minimal kitchen space, MIL has a large range of cooking pans. Most have a nice heft to them (bringing 2010's Tangled to mind, eheheh) and probably cost a lot. Anyway, one of these pans has a deep bowl shape and a lip for pouring, and it's nonstick, which was perfect for this Jacque Pepin recipe. (Pepin is probably the only chef in the world whose instructions I'd follow to the letter.)

Results:
The skin is virtually paper-thin after all that rendering.
The meat is moist and juicy.
Enfant Terrible went back for seconds. I caught him staring hungrily at my share. Maybe he was very hungry.

Notes:
I used 2 chicken thighs and drumsticks, bone in.
As for salting and peppering, I'd put that in the dry pan first, press the chicken pieces, skin side up, on them lightly to coat, and then place them skin side down on the remaining seasoning, and begin cooking.
I turned them over after 7 minutes (they can probably go another 1-2 minutes if your flame is low enough).
I cooked them for closer to 20 minutes in total.
Altogether, it produced a little less than a 1/4 measuring cup of rendered chicken fat (!), which can be used in place of cooking oil.

Alternafood

Say you want a snack but not chocolate, and you can't be arsed to walk out to get bread for a sandwich, and you've had enough fruit for the day.

You spy a box of leftover lemang in the fridge, the individual pieces still wrapped in their banana leaves. Alas, you've run out of chicken curry.

Casting a disconsolate eye on the paltry contents of your fridge (because who's been putting off the grocery run, eh?), you see the remaining processed cheese slices from a long-ago sandwich-loving phase.

Naturally, you microwave the unwrapped lemang until slightly too warm for your fingers, then carefully wrap a slice of cheese around it, folding and molding the plasticky layer around the rice. The heat from the rice melts the cheese slightly, allowing it to stick and complete your sad reverse parody of an onigiri.

You can wrap it in a piece of dried seaweed if you're feeling fancy, because this is your life now.

Bubur nasi Pak Su @ UMMC

It was a drizzly and windy morning when we brought mum to the Universiti Malaya Medical Center for a checkup. Enfant Terrible and I hadn't had breakfast because we're terrible at getting up early.

While mum waited for her queue number to be called, we bumbled over to the mezzanine-level food court outside the main building (Menara Utama, I think). ET had a plain nasi lemak (RM3)* and I had plain (rice) porridge (RM3.50) from Pak Su's stall.**

ET's nasi lemak was average, but my porridge was surprisingly tasty. "Plain", as translated from the menu, is inaccurate, as it just means it's served without beef or chicken. It's actually accompanied by peanuts, salted cabbage, minced ginger, shredded coriander, chopped spring onions, and a splash of sesame oil. And they have sambal for the oddballs who want spicy porridge, though it's likelier that it's for the noodles they also serve.

The guy who served me looked grumpy, but I guess that's the face you wear when it's too early in the morning to be awake and working when you could be snuggled up sleeping in a warm bed.

I quite like food courts, though I wouldn't go as far as to say the dingier the better. In fact, I think hospital food courts owe it to visitors to be a calm refuge that serves decent food. The UMMC food court is well-ventilated and bright, and the cleaners were clearing tables pretty quickly when we were there. There's a lot of variety in terms of the types of food available, and I imagine there's something to suit all price points, if it comes to that. Also, it has a display board for the queue numbers at all clinics in the main building.

Epilog: Mum had to reschedule her appointment, so that means we'll get the chance to find out what nasi campur mat salleh*** is soon enough!

*You could get the same amount for half that price (or less!) elsewhere.
**Uncle Su's food stall.
***Western mixed rice...?

Not impastable: N00b home economics

I'm thoroughly enamored by that thing where you switch off the heat after stirring for 2 minutes when cooking pasta (you leave it in the water for the remaining cooking time). Of course, I started wondering what other irregular thing you can do regarding pasta that doesn't necessitate reading a Serious Eats article.*

My pasta bugbear is cream sauces. Doing a cream pasta sauce is rarely my thing because I'm a cheapskate. A 200 ml container of cream costs about RM8.50 and the resulting sauce is always too thin for my taste, so why bother?

I guessed coconut milk could be used in place of cream, and some half-hearted Googling confirmed this, so I borrowed a pack of coconut milk from MIL's fridge and went about making a creamy beef sauce.

The pack said to shake throughly before using, so I did. I should've seen it coming when I felt only the barest movement inside. Upon cutting it open to stir in to the cooked sauce, snowy white blobs of coconut cream came oozing out.

It did the job though, thickening and enriching the sauce. It also lent the sauce a refreshing coconut aftertaste, which was not a bad thing, though unexpected.

I used about a quarter of the 200-ml pack, which Tesco tells me costs about RM3 (depends on the brand and whether you get liquid or powdered [!?]), so the entire batch of sauce (about 5 servings) cost about RM3.50 per serving. The pasta cost RM4 (I think), and is about 9 servings, which is pretty great if you don't eat a lot.

Seriously though, when you call something "milk", I expect it to be liquid and pourable.

*I love reading them, but they're so long.