Random Letters

Dear Adam,

I really liked you when you were on American Idol. I was unhappy when you wound up runner-up but was sure that you would eventually do better than Kris because you were FIERCE dammit.

Your album cover had me wondering if some restraint could've been exercised when it came to creative control. Ditto your preponderance towards screeching, and your apparent ambition to channel Queen Elvis.

I'm still not over your costume choice when you were in Sydney for Mardi Gras either. I didn't even know codpieces came those sizes; were you trying to be seen from outer space, by Ziggy Stardust perhaps? I hate to break it to you, but Ziggy don't play that way no more.

Also, you might want to go easy on the carbs.

Careful, you're gonna have someone's eye (or other body parts) out!

The only cause that allows me to hope for better things in your future is how nice you look when you stop overdosing on eyeliner and styling products (but I won't say anything about the pancake base, okay?).

See (if this really is you, then carry on)?

In fact, you and that nice Johnny Weir would make such a cute couple. I can't imagine why anyone hasn't slashed the two of you already. You'd have such catty (but cute!) fights over whose turn is it to wear the (leather) pants.

Always yours,

Auntie Kaypoh.